1) losing kayla my freshman year of high school: may of my freshman year of high school, a girl i had grown up with was killed in a hit and run... it was something that i still haven't fully recovered from, even though it's been almost 4 years. it still hits me hard, but always makes me remember to make the most of everything i have... because i never know when it's going to be gone, or when the people i love are going to be taken away.

2) the syracuse debacle: when i graduated from high school, i was going to syracuse university on almost a full scholarship. i was excited. i was proud. i wanted it. at least i thought i did. really? it was the first time that i realized that i had stopped doing things in my life because i wanted to do them. i was doing things that i thought people expected of me, what i thought would make my parents proud. i was willing to sacrifice my own well being to make others happy. deciding to come home from syracuse and attend county college, as i'm doing now, was the first step i took to doing things in life for me. plus, i really learned who my friends were during that situation. i moved in on a thursday, and was home early sunday. friends who didn't know what was going on sent me text messages that they just wanted to know that i was okay, and i figured out that i didn't have to impress anyone. the only person i needed to take care of was myself, and until i started to do that, i couldn't even start to think about what other people wanted. it's something i'm still dealing with.

3) my major decision: and i mean that in both ways. it was a major decision to change my major. my mother had told me that majoring in musical theatre was out of the question because it didn't guarantee anything, it would be left to chance if i got work or not. so i decided to go to school for speech therapy and minor in theatre. but i guess it just wasn't enough for me. we finally struck a deal. i finish two years at a county college, and get my associate's degree (in liberal studies). during the spring, i audition at colleges, and if i get in anywhere, and can get enough scholarship or grant money to go, i can. if not, i have two years of college completed that i can fall back on to finish my degree. and thankfully, she agreed to it. she told me that at this point, she's only concerned that i'm happy and healthy, since i have a history of not being either at any given time. but i'm pretty sure that i'd rather apply and audition at a school and have them say "no" then to never have tried and think forever about what might have happened.